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A Touching Love Story Of How I Met My Wife In Pokemon Scarlet & Violet

Those of you who read TheGamer regularly will know that there is one Pokemon I have been waiting for in Scarlet & Violet. I was robbed of her photogenic glory in New Pokemon Snap, and she missed out on Pokemon's evolution in Legends: Arceus. I wrote about my anticipation of being reunited with her, which only increased as trailers detailed romantic picnics in the park and soapy showers with your Pokemon. I completely changed my traditional native-only run for her, and finally she is mine. I am talking, of course, about my mangosteen queen Tsareena.

Getting Tsareena in Scarlet & Violet is surprisingly easy, given the struggles I have faced in the past. Because you can wander freely through the lower reaches of Paldea's open world, finding where Bounsweet spawn was very simple. A few levels later, and it becomes Steenee. At level 28, Steenee learns Stomp, and as long as you make this one of its four moves, it becomes the elegant Tsareena. The long luxurious hair, the flirtatiously fluttering eyelashes, the fruity cotton cake, and the shimmering thigh highs – Tsareena, in the sweet sugary flesh. She has more than lived up to her reputation.

Here's a little secret, gamers – I haven't actually used Tsareena all that much. I have mostly admired her from afar. Introduced in Gen 7, I refuse to play that ever again for the same reason as our own Ben Sledge, so it was a one time fling. Since then I've dug into Let's Go, replayed Pokemon Blue, replayed Pokemon Gold, and hit up Pokemon Go, New Pokemon Snap, Pokemon Mystery Dungeon, and Legends: Arceus – Tsareena is only in one of these games, and I'd fallen off Go before she arrived. She is in Sword & Shield, but I stuck to my native run and dabbled with a light version of my current gym leader run for Shield's expansion packs, so again, no Tsareena.

In fact, before I started working here, she wasn't in my top ten Pokemon. She was close, of course. I still had some affection for her. But at TheGamer I have fallen into a pattern of writing about Tsareena as a meme, and along the way I have fallen in love. She faces tough competition from Gengar, Gyarados, Gardevoir, Sylveon, Absol, and Milotic, but while that was once my ideal party of six, type balance be damned, I think she has now forced her way into the starting roster. My time with her so far in Pokemon Scarlet has been short, but I'm with her right until the end of the line. Nobody baby but you and me.

As I continue through Paldea despite the difficulties of playing as a Grass gym leader in a region cluttered with middle-game obstacles that hate Grass-types, I may have to get more tactical with my movepools and line-ups, making the best of my self-inflicted situation. But right now, Tsareena is armed with a set of moves that perfectly fit her side gig as a BDSM mistress. Obviously she still has Stomp, and her most powerful attack is her patented Power Whip. Draining Kiss adds an element of romance, but also adds a metaphorical feel of her draining her johns' wallets. She did have Trop Kick, which seemed to work and gave her STAB, but I switched that out for Low Kick. It does the basic job of Trop Kick but adds Fighting-type attacks to my very grassy arsenal, and there are more than a few punters who’d pay handsomely for a low blow.

After a hard day of dominating though, my wife comes home to me. We go for picnics. We shower. We made it through the rain. Fate kept us apart, but we could not be defied. We are reunited at last, and Tsareena was worth the wait.

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