The Binley Mega Chippy has become a cultural icon in recent weeks, with the humble Coventry takeaway cementing itself as a TikTok sensation all thanks to a catchy jingle and its underdog appeal. That, and the internet is just really, really, really weird. Maybe it’s a zoomer thing.
It’s ridiculous, but also oddly heartwarming as swarms of people from all over the country gather to visit this apparently middling establishment to greet the staff, try their food, and perhaps get a slice of some of its viral fame. I’d love to live down the road from it right now, if only to see the confusion in people’s faces as a random shop on their street becomes the focus of millions upon millions of internet strangers for no real reason at all.
But what if the Binley Mega Chippy existed in the gamer world? What if our favourite characters across various franchises suddenly fancied a bite to eat and rocked down to Coventry to order their favourite dish after a hard day of saving the world from certain destruction or mourning their spooky dead wife? There’s nothing cod and chips and a battered mars bar can’t fix, especially when it’s accompanied by a can of mango rubicon.
While they’d all be foolish not to just order the Morbius Meal and call it a day – which consists of fish and chips, mushy peas and a can of drink for the bargain price of £4.99 – here’s what some of your favourite video game characters would be picking up at Binley Mega Chippy.
Kratos is a proper bloke. If he was a working class man from Britain he’d probably love the footy, get plastered at the local pub, and despise food with any sense of flavour. A real ‘Arsenal, Brexit, the wife’ guy.
For that I think he’d order a large doner meat and chips with a pot of garlic mayo sauce he will hesitantly pour over it. No spices to be found here, he doesn’t want any heartburn. No salad either, that’s rabbit food. He’s taking this food out for a drink with the lads after, so no need for a beverage purchase.
I’ve always pictured Aloy as a lesbian vegaterian, so much like a certain Eurovision act, all she eats is veggies and pussy. I can respect that, and her order will obviously reflect such a lifestyle. She’d go for the halloumi wrap with a side of chips, and unlike a certain god, she isn’t afraid to throw lashing of chilli sauce on there.
This guy is a proper downer, and is too busy mourning over his dead wife and having to spend time in Silent Hill that all he orders is a small portion of hot wings and a can of cherry coke. Not that he’d eat them anyway, dude is way too busy moping. What is the UK equivalent of Silent Hill anyway? Probably somewhere like Birmingham or Peterborough. Maybe we’ll find out soon if those leaks are true.
After experiencing the sights and sounds of Tokyo for so long, Binley Mega Chippy might be a rather underwhelming eatery for Joker and the Phantom Thieves. But they stay humble, so while in the country and taking a break from infiltrating the palace of Prince Andrew they decide to grab a bite to eat.
Joker can’t help but be reminded of Big Bang Burger in Central Shibuya. So he orders the biggest burger on the menu, which in Britain basically means throwing everything you can into a bun and calling it a day. This baby has three patties, onion rings, doner meat, cheese, grilled onions, and goodness knows what else for a bargain price. A thing of beauty.
Arthur is a simple man, and will no doubt strike up conversation with the cashier while ordering a regular fish and chips for himself alongside a collection of food and drink for his travelling companions who have set up camp on the nearby roundabout. A true gent. ‘You sir, are a fish’, he’ll say as he tucks into his cod.
I’m not sure the British populace would take kindly to a man willing to say hello to everyone he happens to walk past though, if anything it’s a recipe for a scrap.
Sam Porter Bridges
I’m not sure if we see Norman Reedus eat a single thing in Death Stranding. As a consequence his order from Binley Mega Chippy is a single can of Monster.
Given she’s privately educated and used to scouring the globe in search of ancient treasures and civilizations to pilfer, Lara Croft hasn’t been to her local takeaway in quite a while.
Luckily her girlfriend Sam, who was for some reason written out of all the sequels, has had plenty of time eat takeaway while pursuing studies and doing gay things – because if I hadn’t made that clear enough, her and Lara are super duper gay.
They’d order a large BBQ chicken pizza to share alongside two cans of drink for date night. Sam even encourages Lara to order a battered Mars Bar because she promises they’re actually good and not some form of weird, greasy nightmare food.
Alucard and Trevor Belmont
Castlevania has vampires, so it only makes sense for this duo to partake in the Morbius Meal. I imagine a lot of people realise it’s Morbin’ Time before rocking up to Binley Mega Chippy, relieved to see that the greatest comic book character of all time is represented on the menu. What a bargain too, costing almost as much as the film made at the box office.
Do Spartans eat food? I know it’s a myth that the power armour wanks them off but I’m curious if it’s capable of providing super soldiers with sustenance during combat. In the TV show we’ve seen his face, bum, and even seen him have sex for the first time, so there must be time for a bite to eat inbetween all this cheeky nonsense.
Chief is a practical man though, and always ready for the next fight against the Covenant, so he orders a small chips and a can of diet coke which he promptly eats at the counter before picking up his assault rifle and leaving the premises. Even at Binley, the fight never stops.
Given he doesn’t talk much, Link wouldn’t immediately order any food when stopping through the door. This place doesn’t belong to him, so in typical The Legend of Zelda style he walks behind the till and begins picking up and smashing everything in sight.
But this is the real world, so instead of rupees, arrows, and bombs spilling out from the innards of nearby storage containers he is instead charged with property damage. No Morbius Meal for the Hero of Time, at least not until he learns his lesson.
I’d be here all day listing characters and potential menu options, so be sure to let me know what you would order from the Binley Mega Chippy or what your favourite characters might partake in at the legendary Coventry eatery.
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